I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
