ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize