I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize