She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
