All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
