i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
