god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
