apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
