You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ugly people sure do ruin things
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
