My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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