I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Small penises have feelings too.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
