The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
