i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
