I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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