I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
