Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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