I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You have to summon your inner elephant
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
