im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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