Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize