No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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