my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Randomize
