At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
