she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
