I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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