currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
