ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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