Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do vagina's smell?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
