Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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