Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
