If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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