I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
