ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
