Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
how drunk are you?
Several
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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