Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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