im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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