you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
