Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
