Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
