it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
