well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
