I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
