I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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