why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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