She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just found puke in my bra..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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