i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I am naked and annoyed.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
