he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Fuck appropriateness.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
