then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize