I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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