Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
