Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
