i think my mom watched the whole time
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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