My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize