You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
