Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
