fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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