I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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