She's JV to your varsity
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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