When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Boobs are out for the taking
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
