Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
third nipple confirmed
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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