girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
