also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
