i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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