I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
