It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
